Critical Eye
It’s been a dream of mine for the last several years to write and publish a book. I’ve been working on a few ideas but have been overwhelmed by the process and managing the project on my own. Luckily for me, I had connected with a woman that offered on-line classes for creatives. I had taken one of her classes and since I was a prior student, offered me the option to be one of her authors for a compilation book.
I was so excited to have the chance to learn and grow through the experience and process. There were a few things that I needed to be committed to once I agreed to being one of the authors. I had to submit my creative work to be included in the book, a short bio of 100 words or less, seven ideas for a calendar that went along with the book, a quote for the companion card deck of inspirational ideas and last but not least, a 300 DPI (whatever that meant) professional head shot. UGH!
The to-do list sounded completely doable…..well, all but the professional headshot. I’m not a big fan of posing for pictures. The thought of it had me dreading the task. Fortunately, my daughter-in-law’s a professional photographer, however, unlucky for her because I tend to be a bit picky. After all, the photo will forever be in print.
I knew I wanted to have a head shot taken outside to have a more causal look, however coordinating both our schedules was proving to be tough as well as working around the hot summer heat. We decided since we would be together for the week at my brother’s cabin we could try and get some pictures to choose from.
There was really only one day that made sense up north and I announced to my daughter-in-law I would get ready for the photo shoot. Wouldn’t you know, it happened to be a high humidity day and each time I curled a strand of hair, it immediately fell. Out of desperation, I called my daughter down at the lake and asked if she would come and assist me, in addition, there wasn’t air conditioning in the cabin. Each time she would curl a strand of hair, she’d have to curl it again as she worked her way around my head; using hair spray as she went.
At one point it got so hot in the bathroom, she suggested to go outside. At this point she said, it looked like I didn’t have any makeup left and needed to help me with that as well. Out on the deck, in the sun, the beauty parlor continued. I could feel my hair fall and face dripping from the humidity. We’d better get these pictures started before I melt.
Off I went alongside my daughter and daughter-in-law, into the woods below the cabin. Shot after shot, Crystal and Hannah tried every angle. Apparently, my smile looked fake and Crystal suggested Hannah attempt to make me laugh. Not knowing what to do, she raised up her shirt, exposed her two-piece swimsuit, stuck her belly out and began to rub it in exaggerated circles while repeating, “Buddha belly”……WHAT?! LOL! Now, instead of a natural smile I was busting a gut laughing.
Pose this way, move your hand, tilt your head, stick out your chin, stop squinting, fix your collar, move to the right, move to the left……..stand up, sit down…fight, fight fight….hahaha! We moved to several locations in the woods and I would hear Hannah mention, “she won’t like that angle, or that’s a good angle……natural smile, please.” “Oh my gosh…..for the love of, can we just be done?” “First, let’s get a few more shots on the dock.” By the time we were done, we were all exhausted.
A few days later Crystal sent her best picture, now keep in mind, I never saw the finished product of myself since Hannah was doing my hair and make-up on the deck, without a mirror. She had contoured my cheeks with a darker blush and in the sun looked like I had bruises on my cheeks! I mentioned that to Crystal and she didn’t think it looked bad. My hair was also just about stick straight from the humidity. I was also squinting and asked if there were any pictures I wasn’t squinting from the sun. She sent another one which I didn’t think was much better.
I’m embarrassed to say, since I was being picky, she decided to send them to me for review……all 257 pictures! Are you kidding me? Yep, I was mortified thinking I had to review 257 photos. One by one I reviewed and one by one I rejected. I couldn’t find one in the lot I liked…….UGH. She, the professional, had selected the best picture and I had criticized it……insert sad face. I didn’t mean to be so critical.
She offered to take additional shots and I just returned from their house, this time my son Andrew was her assistant. She was going to show me her favorite shot of the day, but stopped and said she would send it to me once she was done with editing. Andrew spoke up and said he thought the pictures she had originally taken were great and he didn’t understand why I didn’t like them. I agreed that I would use her original one if they thought it was better. I needed to stop being so picky; unfortunately it’s the perfectionist in me rearing it’s irrational head.
Why are we always critical of ourselves? Crystal, Andrew and Hannah all liked the picture and when I showed it to a few friends, they equally agreed. What were they seeing that I wasn’t? My critical eye, was not grounded in fact, rather expectations that wouldn’t measure up. I need to learn more acceptance of myself. I promise, I’m working on it and will love whatever picture Crystal and Andrew decide they like best.
xoxox…..Sheryl