Walking the Plank
“What the hell did I just do?” Those were the words that flew out of my mouth a few months ago, and I’m still uttering them in my head over and over as I prepare for an appointment I’m dreading. I’ll take you back and explain how the scene has been unfolding in my head.
A few months ago I was on a call with five women I’d never met in person but had been connected with over a span of a year, learning and growing together. During this call, one of them mentioned her and I would be doing this photoshoot. UM….”wait, who me, and what are you taking about?” She proceeded to say, “Didn’t I tell you? I’ve been meaning to reach out to you.” My reply was, “Nope, I have no idea what you’re referring to.”
She continued to tell me about a photographer in my area that was part of a project of taking photographs of women over 50, and she thought it would be amazing to do it together. “Okay, let me think about it.” Fast forward a few weeks and I found myself on a phone call with the photographer. After explaining how I didn’t like having photos taken of myself, she assured me how fun and wonderful it would be. She would make me feel comfortable every step of the way. She wanted to showcase the beauty that woman often don’t see in themselves. She mentioned “This project has been transformative for all the ladies that have been involved so far. It's my passion to help women feel great about themselves and feel beautiful, empowered and to embrace the woman they've become!”
I reluctantly said yes, hung up the phone and panicked. “What the hell did I just do? Sheryl, you’ve committed to being photographed and displayed in a gallery style exhibit and a celebration once the project was completed.” I wanted to take back my yes a thousand times. The closer it got to the date, I thought I would be out of town and wondered if I should just reschedule. The fake, real reason (thank the good Lord), I’d be traveling and wouldn’t have to go to the photoshoot. My inner critic was trying to convince me I’d be sorry if I went through with the experience.
Unfortunately, the travel plans fell through and I was faced with, “do I just cancel or push it out?” The truth of the matter, I’d been doing so much work on myself, I knew I needed to face both my inner critic and fears, and make it happen; no matter how scared or uncomfortable I was. UGH….I didn’t cancel, I didn’t push the shoot forward, and repeat after me, “ I’m doing this for my growth and personal transformation.”
Why do we see things in ourselves other people don’t? Instead of recognizing the beauty in myself, I notice the flaws above everything good. I don’t want to see my wrinkles or the extra pounds, but those are me, and I am alive and well. I am blessed for so many reasons. These are the things I need to appreciate. I’m a work in progress, and even though I feel like I’m walking the plank, and mortified to show my vulnerabilities, I’m coming to the ledge, letting go, and falling into the deep blue water of self-acceptance.
xoxox…..Sheryl
PS….Stay tuned for next week’s post and the sequel of this story. My experience and the photoshoot is happening tomorrow……GASP.
PSS….Thanks Debra for being my voice of reason and cheerleader.