The Beauty of Boundaries
Not long ago, I found myself staring at my phone, heart racing, fingers hovering above the keyboard. I had put off writing a response for days because, deep down, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Setting boundaries never feels simple for me. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I don’t want to come across as unkind. And yet, I also know my needs matter and if I don’t honor them, who will?
After a lot of thought, I finally pressed send. My message was kind, respectful, and clear. It wasn’t written in anger. It was simply a request that I knew I needed to make to protect my own well-being. I braced myself for disappointment, maybe even frustration on their part but I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
The response came back sharp, cutting, and dripping with nastiness. It shocked me. I sat there frozen, rereading the words, trying to understand how something I offered with kindness could be received with so much hostility. Their reply wasn’t about healthy dialogue, it was about trying to make me feel guilty and question myself. It was a deliberate attempt to shift blame and make me feel responsible for their reaction.
In that moment, the only thing I could think to say was, “WOW.” And then I paused. Because why should I engage in a back-and-forth when it was clear their words weren’t meant to invite conversation, but to wound?
That’s the thing about boundaries, they don’t always land softly with others. In fact, sometimes they reveal truths about relationships we didn’t want to see. But here’s what I’ve learned, boundaries aren’t walls meant to shut people out. They are gates meant to keep what’s healthy inside and allow us to decide what no longer serves us.
For much of my life, I believed kindness meant always saying yes, always accommodating, always smoothing things over so no one felt discomfort. But the truth is, that version of kindness often came at my own expense. I ended up stretched thin, resentful, or questioning my own worth.
Setting boundaries is, in fact, one of the kindest things we can do, not just for ourselves, but for others. When we are clear about what we can give and what we cannot, we offer honesty. We offer authenticity. We offer the gift of our presence without hidden resentment.
And yet, it’s rarely easy. Boundaries can trigger others who are used to our “yes.” They may lash out. They may try to make us feel guilty. But their reaction doesn’t mean our boundary was wrong, it means it was necessary.
What surprised me most in this recent experience wasn’t the angry response, it was the clarity it gave me. In that single exchange, I realized just how vital this boundary was for my health and peace. Their reaction said more about them than it did about me.
Sometimes, setting a boundary shows us the strength of a relationship. Healthy connections can hold space for honesty, even if it stings at first. Unhealthy ones, on the other hand, crumble the moment we stop over-giving. As painful as that is, it can also be freeing. It shows us where our energy no longer belongs.
Walking away from certain relationships doesn’t mean we stop caring. It doesn’t mean we wish them harm. It means we’ve chosen to care for ourselves enough to stop being diminished. Boundaries are not acts of cruelty, rather they are acts of self-respect.
And here’s something else, choosing not to engage doesn’t make you weak. Sometimes silence is the strongest boundary of all. My “WOW” was enough for me to mark the line and step back. No justifying. No pleading. No back-tracking. Just a clear, quiet decision, this is where I stop.
If you’ve been putting off setting a boundary, I want to encourage you to take a deep breath and honor your needs. Boundaries may feel uncomfortable in the moment, but they are long-term investments in your peace, your joy, and your wholeness.
Ask yourself: Where am I saying yes when my heart longs to say no? Where am I shrinking to keep someone else comfortable? Where do I need to draw a gentle but firm line to honor my well-being? Remember, your boundaries are not a rejection of others; they are an affirmation of you.
So the next time you feel that tug of guilt or fear, remind yourself you are worthy of love, respect, and kindness, both from others and from yourself. And sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is simply stand firm, step back, and let go.
The beauty of boundaries is honoring your heart without an apology. Give yourself permission to set one small boundary. Notice how it feels. Let it be an act of self-love, and trust that the people meant to walk alongside you will honor it.
xo, Sheryl
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