Reflected Grace
It's a universal truth that as parents, we often underestimate the impact we have on our children's lives. We may not realize that they are not just observing our actions, but also absorbing the essence of who we are. Our gestures of love, kindness, and resilience are all these facets that leave an indelible mark on their beings. Without realizing, we are the mirror that affects their tender souls, good and bad.
When I became a single Mom, I was so busy getting from one day to the next that I lost sight of being in the present with my children. Dealing with all the emotions that came from my broken heart and family, some days it was difficult just pretending everything would be okay. Looking back, I’m sure my children felt my sadness even though I thought I disguised it as something different. I must admit, I felt like I was a mom that was failing even though I was doing my best in the moment.
I worked hard to set safe and reasonable guidelines. Fast forward to the teens years, I clearly remember both children arguing over curfew and house rules. My daughter especially gave me a hard time explaining her friends had more relaxed rules. I stood firm in my resolved. How I wished then they’d understood my motives were all for them. I was hoping one day they’d recognize the love, albeit disguised as boundaries.
Then one day it happened. They had grown into individuals who recognized the depth of my actions and intentions. They finally understood why I did the things I did, and a different-looking relationship evolved. One of mutual love, understanding, and respect.
It was exactly the same struggles and evolution with my own parents, and I’m thankful for their boundaries. I’m guessing so many can relate to this in your own lives both as a child and then a parent.
Recently, as my daughter navigated all the details of purchasing her first home, I could see the stress and weight she was carrying and feeling. I tried to do my best to support her while offering advise and life lessons learned. I was careful not to overstep during the process but made it clear I was there for her every step of the way.
During the week she closed, several things were weighing on her mind and most nights she couldn’t sleep; both out of excitement and fear. One night she decided to journal, putting her thoughts to pen describing everything she was feeling. The next morning she mentioned that she journaled and asked if I was interested, “Absolutely.” As she began reading, tears began to puddle in the corners of my eyes as I tried to keep them from falling. Her words were describing the support she received which included me, and were heartfelt and lovely.
Once she finished reading, she headed to the trash and started throwing the paper away. I immediately stopped her and said, “Give me that.” There was no way I was letting her throw those words in the garbage. Her beautiful expression for me went like this, “I’m so happy my Mom and Dad have helped so much. My Mom has literally been the best support and assistance in moving. Her being supportive is a strength of hers. Maybe because she has more in her cup, she has much more to give as a mom.”
It's humbling and heartwarming when our children provide glimpses into our true selves that we might have forgotten or downplayed. They see the patience that calms their storms, the wisdom that guides them, and the love that envelops their lives.
The reflected grace my daughter gave to me was priceless. She was shining the light on something remarkable within me I hadn’t seen. In the end, the most heartwarming and fulfilling realization is that our children have the ability to show us the most beautiful version of ourselves. A version we may not always see on our own. Through their eyes, we rediscover our greatness, celebrate our journey, and understand the profound impact we've had on their lives and on the world. Cheers to you and me!
xoxox…..Sheryl
PS … The piece of tattered paper Hannah journaled on was the same paper she practiced the day before of her signature for all the legal documents she was due to sign … LOL. Man, I love that girl.
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